Do you ever have trouble connecting with those that you are supposed to be closest to? Does it feel like even when trying your hardest you (and they) struggle with feeling loved by one another? As we gear up for a season of transition and back to school busyness, it is even more important to work to find moments of connection and love during our day. When we don’t work toward seeking connection and love from those we are closest to, we drive isolation instead of intimacy and foster disconnection, which can build resentment. In our families this can often look like arguing, slammed doors, and loneliness. Often this fosters continued disconnection and discontentedness. If this sounds like your family, you have the opportunity to combat this with a simple tool: The 5 Love Languages.
In 1992, Gary Chapman wrote The Five Love Languages, a work devoted to understanding the way that individuals give and receive love in their marriages. Three million copies later and a variety of supplemental texts on love languages with teens, children, coworkers and the like, his ideas continue to ring true. If we want to feel intimately connected to those around us, we must meet them where they are at and learn to love them the way they feel loved. Chapman’s love languages: Physical Touch, Acts of Service, Words of Affirmation, Quality Time and Receiving Gifts break down typologies of love into doable actions. The Love Languages Quiz is available for free online and results can be sent to your spouse and/or family members.
Why is it important to understand the different love languages of our important people? If we seek to foster connection, we must work to connect to them where they are. For example, if I continuously give my husband gifts, and his love language is quality time, he could feel pressured and overwhelmed—not feeling loved at all. When he responds this way, I feel rejected and frustrated, and I shut down or get argumentative. I chose to love him—not in his best way, but in mine, which is shortsighted and selfish.
If my mom calls me to catch up every week and I feel obligated to answer a set of what I feel to be monotonous questions, a loving connection is missed. The quality time she seeks is not the words of affirmation I desire, resentment and a heart of discontentment could be fostered on both sides—all because of a misguided gesture of love.
We should also be actively teaching our children about their love language. Because when we begin to transform our gestures of love from self-centered to others-centered we will begin to see hearts soften and relationships built. Chapman reminds us that “At the heart of mankind’s existence is the desire to be intimate and loved by one another,” and we can foster this in our marriages, families, and friendships if we simply take a step back and evaluate what that individual is yearning for—even if they might not know how to ask for it.
Chapman references the ‘love tank’ that we all have, and I would encourage you to ask yourself what you’re doing to fill the love tank of those you want to know are loved by you. If they are running on empty, it’s likely that you are both miserable and feeling disconnected. The act of working to understand and loving others well begins to grow our intimacy level with those around us. This selflessness drives connection. Instead of showing love in the way that is most convenient or the way that feels the best for you, build your capacity to love through their love language.
Feeling love fosters security, builds attachments and gives us a feeling of significance. Not only is it imperative that we love others, we must also make time to love ourselves—do you know what you need to feel loved and how to communicate it to those around you? Now, of course, we have the love languages that we are good at and that we thrive in but, when called to love those around us, it isn’t about what we want. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, John 15:13, and Philippians 2:3-10 all speak to loving people with kindness, laying down our lives for one another, and looking out for the interests of others. Loving our people well looks like loving them in their language.
3rd Annual Peace Partnership Golf Classic
Presented by Metcalf Auto Plaza
September 26th @ 8:30am, Adams Pointe Golf Club
Interested in being a tournament sponsor, playing, or donating an item to our silent auction? Register teams and become a sponsor here. Our teams are almost sold out! Email Amy to learn more about in-kind donations or to volunteer.
Join our “100 Campaign”
100 people giving $100 to raise $10,000!
1 in 5 kids experience severe mental health struggles. Thankfully, there’s help…right here in our community. Join 100 community members coming together to bring hope to those in need. Donate your $100 gift here.
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If so, you can double your gifts to Peace Partnership. Check here to see if your company provides a matching gift program to its employees. Still unsure? Contact your company’s HR department or email Amy at email@example.com to learn more.
Thank you to all of our generous supporters last month:
- Susy Clymer, thank you for helping us provide quality care for the underserved.
- Thank you, EPR Properties, for your gracious corporate matching gift program.
- Cyndi Eskina, we appreciate your continued gifts to support families in need.
- Eric and Tonya Mater, we are grateful for your support each year.
- Thank you to our business partner, Midwest Accident Reconstruction Services, for your continued belief in our mission.
- Thank you to Brent and Amanda Miller for your new monthly gift.
- Stan and Deb Oglesby, thank you for your generous hearts for our mission.
- Thank you to the women of Checks for Children for your support and interest in Peace Partnership.
Thank you to all of our Peace Partnership Golf Classic sponsors –
Thank you to those who signed up this month to play in our tournament – Bank Liberty, Curtis Beasley, Doug Bonebrake, Mike Gagnon, Kevin Hornick, Mike Horsley, Ryan Morerod, Tony Pizzutelli, and Dale Rife.
To host an event or take part in any of our upcoming activities, contact our Director of Development, Amy Henderson at 816-399-0530 or: firstname.lastname@example.org. Please click on the link below to become a Partner.