The common response to evil is to banish it from memory. Severe violations of another human being are too terrible to utter aloud. This is what people mean when they say it was an unspeakable evil.
But evil refuses to be buried. The desire to forget is powerful, but equally powerful is the desire for it to be known. Remembering and telling the truth about evil lays the foundation for individual healing, as well as the rebuilding of trust in society.
The battle between the will to deny horrible events and the will to speak them aloud is the fundamental tension of those working through abuse.[1] Because of this tension, abuse survivors often tell their stories in a highly emotional, fragmented, and disorganized manner. It isn’t in chronological order. The events can sound so severe, the first reaction might be to question the credibility of the one speaking it.
Only when the truth is finally acknowledged can it see the light of day.
But more often than not, secrecy prevails, and the abuse surfaces in the form of symptoms, instead of a story. The symptoms of highly traumatized people serve two opposing purposes: 1) it calls attention to an unspeakable evil, and 2) redirects attention away from it.
I know all this because I read a lot, and I’ve worked with those who’ve been touched by evil for 20+ years. It didn’t take me long to figure out the “unspeakable” part was a key difference between a traumatized person and a person who had experienced a difficult event. Many traumatized people don’t know how to talk about the evil atrocities in their past in a coherent way. People who’ve endured a difficult event know exactly what happened, the order in which it happened, and they’ll recount it in a way that makes sense.
Abuse victims will sometimes want to show you what has happened to them. Scars. Pictures. Videos. Hospital records. I’ve seen it all. It’s part of their recovery. It’s a way to “cheat” the unspeakable aspect of their past: instead of speaking it, they can show it.[2]
For me, this is the hardest phase of counseling abuse victims. It always sneaks up on me. I never know when - or if - they’ll want to show me. I know it’s coming, as it often does, but I try not focus on it. If I do, it will derail their progress.
Last week was one of those times.
She had pictures and videos she wanted to show me. The severity was bad enough, but I was overwhelmed by the sheer number of them - there had to be close to a thousand pictures.
You tell yourself you’re ready. I’ve seen many such pictures. You reassure yourself: I’m a professional. I’ve been doing this a long time. I’ll be able to handle it.
These are childish games.
All my sophisticated mental safeguards melt under the searing heat of seeing the careless destruction of another human being.
They say pictures capture the moment. They certainly do, good or bad. I never thought of photos as something terrible. Suffering frozen in time. The worst moments of a life, captured forever. All in HD.
Like my client, I try to make sense of it all. I’ve found two guiding principles that help navigate the storm: 1) Working with abuse survivors requires a committed moral stance against it, and 2) Working with abuse survivors requires a complex understanding of evil.
Professors and textbooks don’t tell you that.
In fact, they tell you the opposite; they tell you that counselors need to have “unconditional positive regard” for every part of their client. They confidently affirm that evil is a fanciful figment of the imagination.[3] But am I supposed to extend that idea to the atrocities that befell my client? Do I dare say, “You’re wrong. What has happened to you isn’t evil, because evil doesn’t exist.”?
And after seeing so much, why does it still bother me? Sometimes I feel like a tiny rudderless ship adrift on a storm-tossed sea. I have come to a single conclusion about this – an anchor that holds me fast as my clients retelling of past atrocities rage around me.
It’s the willful destruction of an image bearer of our Creator that will always bother me.
Yes. That’s what bothers me. It’s one person taking positive delight in the destruction of another. It’s looking at another person and thinking, "I don’t see God. I only see a thing I want to destroy.” To be aware of this idea is one thing, to know its depth is something entirely different. Friedrich Nietzsche said, “He who fights too long against monsters needs to take care, lest he become a monster himself. If you gaze long into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.”[4]
I know exactly what he means.
Nietzsche is cautioning his reader. He’s saying that when we delve into the abyss of truth, we risk becoming consumed by the very darkness we seek to understand. The abyss represents the bottomless complexity of our humanity, part of what it means to be made in the image of God, where our deepest fears, desires, and conflicts reside. If we stare into this void without a proper anchor, we run the risk of becoming dislodged from our foundations,[5] losing ourselves in the depths, and becoming “monsters” ourselves. I’ve unearthed three consequences of gazing too long into the abyss:
Loss of identity. We may become indistinguishable from the monsters we seek to conquer; losing our moral compass in the process.
Being consumed by the unknown. The infinite depth of the abyss can swallow us whole, leaving us with a sense of utter helplessness.
Failure to transcend. We may fall so far into the abyss that we can no longer see the light of reality and become trapped in our own fears and anxiety.
Despite the immense dangers, there’s also the opportunity of immense benefit. I found that if I willingly approach the abyss with understanding and caution, and if I engage the monster in humility but also in resolute firmness, I can help my client:
Gain wisdom. We can uncover hidden truths about ourselves and deepen our understanding of the world around us, leading to wisdom.
Transform ourselves. Through fighting the monster, we see what we’re made of. We defeat the monster when we see our past not as a destructive force, but as a transformative one.
Achieve understanding. By gazing into the abyss, we can overcome our limitations and become more resilient.
But still the darkness of the abyss tempts me with the same question: If the darkness of the abyss stops bothering me, what will I have become? Will I become the monster? The fear is real. The answer is, yes. This makes me afraid. But then I remember the words of the old hymn:
"Tho’ the angry surges roll
On my tempest driven soul,
I am peaceful, for I know,
Wildly though the winds may blow,
I’ve an anchor safe and sure,
That can evermore endure.
And it holds, my anchor holds:
Blow your wildest, then, O gale,
On my bark so small and frail;
By His grace I shall not fail,
For my anchor holds, my anchor holds.
Mighty tides about me sweep,
Perils lurk within the deep,
Angry clouds o’ershade the sky,
And the tempest rises high;
Still I stand the tempest‘s shock,
For my anchor grips the rock.
I can feel the anchor fast
As I meet each sudden blast,
And the cable, though unseen,
Bears the heavy strain between;
Thro’ the storm I safely ride,
Till the turning of the tide.
Troubles almost ‘whelm the soul;
Griefs like billows o’er me roll;
Tempters seek to lure astray;
Storms obscure the light of day.
But in Christ I can be bold,
I’ve an anchor that shall hold."
Thank God for that hymn.
[1] For a complete theological and philosophical analysis of this idea, I recommend Dr. Paul Tillich’s book, The Courage to Be.
[2] This can take many forms. Several years ago, I worked with a highly traumatized young lady who had been physically abused by her father all her life and raped by her mother at 14. She ran away from home at 16. She couldn’t fully articulate her past, so she would write about what had happened to her in the form of dark poetry. In between sessions she would write me poems, I would respond with a response poem of my own, and we would discuss them in session. She wrote me 38 pages. Such unconventional methods can be very effective treatment protocols but they’re not for the faint of heart and are rarely – if ever – encouraged in graduate programs.
[3] These self-righteous assertions are, of course, made from the warm comfort of a classroom. Far from the brutal trench warfare that takes place in the counseling office. Cowards.
[4] Nietzsche, F. (1886). Beyond Good and Evil. C.G. Naumann Publishing. Leipzig, Germany.
[5] For a complete theological and philosophical analysis of this idea, I recommend Dr. Paul Tillich’s book, The Shaking of the Foundations.
Christmas is just around the corner! Will you join us this Friday as we focus on the students who need a little extra love?
When: Friday, December 6th at 2pm
Where: Children’s Services Fund of Jackson County Community Room, 2345 Grand Blvd, Ste 1450, Kansas City, MO 64108
Please join us (and bring a friend) to put a smile on the faces of the children our Peace Partnership counselors work with each week in our partner schools. Imagine the joy you will bring when these children open a handwritten Christmas card addressed to them. Register now and join us for a sweet time of fellowship, hot chocolate, and homemade cookies.
🎅 Peace Partnership’s 5th Annual Christmas Raffle tickets are selling fast! 🎁🎄
Don’t miss the chance to win some amazing prizes, including, 🏈 CHIEFS TICKETS, 💵 $1,000 CASH, 💎 JEWELRY, 🔥 BLACKSTONE GRIDDLE, and a 🛋️ $500 NEBRASKA FURNITURE MART GIFT CARD—PLUS SO MUCH MORE!!!
🎟️ Raffle tickets will be available for purchase until December 17th or SELL OUT. Only 300 tickets available total, so purchase yours early. Check out our prize list, grab your tickets, and spread the word to friends and family! 📣
💝 Every ticket purchased supports our mission to provide free and affordable counseling to families in need.
🗓️ Mark your calendars for the live drawing on Tuesday, December 17th – ONLY 2 WEEKS AWAY! Stay tuned to your inbox and our social media for up-to-date info about this exciting event. Don’t miss out on these 15 fantastic prizes! 🏆
Check out our Facebook photo album to see this year’s prizes! 📸
🎁 🎄 🎁 🎄 🎁 🎄
Thank you to Andrew Davis, Devyn Horsley, Bruce & Carol Meador, Betty Manes, Leon Cauble, Susan Newsam, Mike & Carol Jackson, John Taylor, Jason & Val Schram, Daniel Henks, Will Roderick, Joey Zarrillo, Mark & Cindy Hillenburg, Mark Arreguin, Allen Steenbock, Jacob Schweizer, David Kagarice, Edie Stark, Monica Champion, Mitch & Jenn Rappard, Lance & Mandi Pollard, Rex Worboys, Luaine Nolte, Jay & Ronnee Schweizer, Ken Yunker, Cheryl Julo, Lisa Larson, Micah & Gwen Hefner, Matt & Kristy Newton, Ron Bond, ZoAnn Peace, Mikaela Brooke, David Glasgow, John & Kelly Whitwood, Paul Bearce, Erin Moon, Cyndi Eskina, Shelly Schuman, Phil & Jo Rydman, Laura McClanahan, Rusty & Rene Fracassa, Lauri Phillips, and Norton Construction Consultants for your recent Christmas Raffle ticket purchases. Good luck on the 17th!
As we near the end of 2024, we look back on a year full of blessings. To everyone who has so faithfully supported our mission of helping the families around us who otherwise wouldn’t be able to afford counseling – we say THANK YOU! Your support pushes us forward to help one more child, care for a hurting couple, and offer hope to a grieving parent. We are so grateful to each of our November partners:
Thank you, EPR Properties for your commitment to generosity! Your employee match on behalf of Aaron Linn is such a blessing to our mission to help those less fortunate in our community. So grateful for your partnership!
With grateful hearts, we say thank you to Truman Heartland Community Foundation, The Jelley Family Foundation, and Tina and Bryan Hughes Fund, for the support of our In-School program to help elementary students in Independence and Blue Springs. We count it a blessing to have your support to make a difference in the lives of our clients.
We are so blessed by your gift, Chris & Kim Thiele. What an honor it is to have your continued support. Thank you for your heart to help the children and families who seek our services.
A special thank you to Vivian & Hymie J. Sosland Charitable Trust for joining with us each year to offer a helping hand to the families in the greater Kansas City area. We consider it an honor to take part in the legacy left behind that continues to make such an impact.
Thank you to Dr. Kirk Opdahl and Dental Arts for your annual support. Your gift provides affordable counseling for the families and kids in our neighborhood schools and community.
To all of our faithful monthly and recurring supporters — THANK YOU from our Peace Partnership team! – Stone AMP SEO, Jeff & Lacey Cherry, Zane & Melissa Morerod, Mark McDonald, Especially Jewelry, Jondy & Heather Britton, Matt & Kristy Newton, Mark & Cathy McGaughey, Greg & Jennifer Spears, Roger & Jennifer Madsen, Metcalf Auto Plaza, Mike & Jan McGraw, Willie & Adia Valdes, Shelly Schuman, Mike & Carol Jackson, Blue Springs Christian Church, Linda Hartman, Dave & Rosie Bourland, Clean Heart Maids, Rudy & Stacy Blahnik, Mike & Tracy Pruitt, Mike & Sandra King, Clayton & Pam Wooldridge, Dan & Gigi Rippee, Andre & Rose Fantasma, Kevin Quinn, Genesis Counseling, Scott & Lydia Hurley, Jon & Naomi Thompson, John Otradovec, Lance & Mandi Pollard, Larry Curtis, Tamara Stroud, Rick & Kathy Daulton, Aaron Linn, Joel & Ruthie Morris, Church at Coffee Creek, John & Vicki Hefner, Jenny Glasgow, Phil & Jo Rydman, Teddy Koehler, Brandon & Vanessa Blanchard, Summit Springs Church, Jason & Val Schram, and Rick & Jan Britton.
We appreciate each and every one of you!
Would you like to hear more about our work in the community? Contact Naomi Thompson, our Director of Development, at: 816.272.0653 or naomi@peacecounseling.org. We want to get to know you and personally thank you for supporting our mission. To make a donation through our website, please click on the link below.
Have you or someone you know been helped by Peace Partnership or Genesis Counseling? If so, would you please consider paying it forward to help another find healing along their journey? We are asking anyone who is not currently partnering with us financially to consider donating $100/year for the next 3 years to help make a difference in someone else’s life. Collectively, we can help SO MANY PEOPLE! Please consider a gift today. Call the office for help getting your gift set up or choose a recurring donation on our website here. We are so grateful for your help changing lives!
Comments