Have you ever wondered where your problems first began? Some people can pinpoint exactly where life started to take an unexpected turn. Others take a while to get there. For me, it took me awhile to arrive at one of the sources of my problem, but when I did, it was worth the journey. It was the summer of 2002, and I was part of a discipleship program in Branson, Missouri. I happened to have one of my old journals with me from junior high and started reading it.
Taking this peek back through time, I realized that one consequence of my childhood sin was the guilt I felt nearly every night of my adolescence. At that time, it was like I was stuck on repeat. Every day, I treated my parents with disrespect and every night I cried myself to sleep because of it. This manifested into a great fear of loss. What if the last thing I said to my parents was horrible and they died in the night? It became so bad that I would sleep on the floor next to my parents at night. When my dad went to work at 5am each day, I would run down the driveway in my pajamas and hug him goodbye.
Time is something to be valued. Nothing can be done to get it back.
What was I going to do with this strong wave of emotion that came over me at night? It became intolerable. I had to do something. The only preventative method I could think of at the time was to harden my heart. It wasn’t until years later that I even understood what I had done. I had suppressed these memories far back into my subconscious. The memories were shameful. I remembered saying this over and over just so that I could go to sleep, “I don’t care about my parents.” In doing so, I distanced myself from my parents emotionally. That way if they ever did pass away, the sting wouldn’t be as great.
“O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?” (1 Cor 15:55, NASB).
There will always be a sting associated with death. I thought that I could avoid it by hardening my heart. The ultimate bait & switch occurred. And it was supported by bad philosophy. Let me dissect some of the components that go into this and other bad philosophies. Interestingly, they're also some of the components that make cults so enticing. If a cult had nothing to offer, then the allure would not be as great to some people. On some level, we all end up indulging in this way of thinking. After all, what do you think a justification consists of?
Everything is easier to justify when we are alone. When I was lying in bed at night, I was alone with my thoughts & feelings. This is why the first step in creating a bad philosophy begins with isolation. Do you ever wonder why the first people we get rid of in our lives, when we want to do something we know is not good for us, are the ones that hold us accountable? A term called emotional reasoning plays a role in this process. It goes like this:
I feel lonely; therefore, I am alone.
Once we find ourselves here, we have a decision to make. We can reach out to someone for help, or we conclude that we are alone. Many of us end up sitting too long in this feeling of isolation and adopt what I like to call, “The Law of Negative Absolutes.” Negative absolutes such as, “There is no one to help” or “No one understands me” start to spring up. Our options become very limited and we stay isolated because of the shame. I didn’t want to admit that I had to tell myself that I didn’t care about my parents in order to go to sleep.
Not caring about my parents created another problem. I didn’t realize that by shutting off that part of myself it would create a ripple effect that would spill into the rest of my life – causing me to not care about other people either. That is why the second part in adopting a bad philosophy is the indoctrination stage. This one snuck up on me. I mean, I still had to live in this world where there were other people around, but what purpose would they serve if I didn’t care about them? That sounds harsh, because it was. This is why control and manipulation are such a big part of the indoctrination stage. They are the opposites of intimacy and connection.
People became pawns in a game that was unwinnable.
I objectified people and classified them into categories based on what they could give me – protection, popularity, and/or possessions. As soon as someone was unable to meet these needs, I moved on. If I sat too long in an environment where I wasn’t treated as the center of the universe, then I became depressed. My depression was rooted in ego because “I thought more highly of myself than I ought” (Rom 12: 3a). This is how the last stage of a bad philosophy solidifies its place in our lives - in the form of idolization.
What I really wanted was control over people, life, and death. I wanted to be my own god. Since I couldn’t become the real God, I had to settle for becoming an idol. This is what the book of Psalms says about the attributes of an idol:
Their idols are silver and gold, The work of man’s hands.
They have mouths, but they cannot speak;
They have eyes, but they cannot see;
They have ears, but they cannot hear;
They have noses, but they cannot smell;
They have hands, but they cannot feel;
They have feet, but they cannot walk;
They cannot make a sound with their throat.
Those who make them will become like them,
Everyone who trusts in them (Psalms 115: 4-8).
How much could I accomplish in life as an idol? From what the Psalms say, I couldn’t really say anything, see anything, hear anything, smell anything, feel anything, or go anywhere worthwhile. What kind of life is that?
Mark Twain once said, “The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.”
It was around ten years ago when I was finally able to peel back a much-needed emotional layer and realize that my fear of loss was not my original fear. It was just a symptom of not knowing how to love properly. If, when I was younger, I would have shown my parents the love they deserved, then I would not have gone to sleep each night feeling guilty and depressed.
Now I don’t abide by the “Law of Negative Absolutes”. I am not alone and there are people in my life that can and want to help me. The Scriptures say that, “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfect in love” (1 John 4:18). With the help of God, expressive journal writing, a caring counselor, and a loving support system, I was able to experience a depth and intimacy in my relationships like never before. There is still a healthy concern for not wanting to lose the people I love, but it doesn’t rule my life and emotions.
🏌️♂️🏌️♀️ 8th Annual Golf Classic, September 26! 🏌️♂️🏌️♀️
Presented by
📅 Date: Thursday, September 26
📍 Location: Adams Pointe Golf Club, Blue Springs, MO
⏰ Tee-off Time: 8:30 AM
Join Us at the 8th Annual Golf Classic!
Don't miss out—teams are nearly full! Register now for a day of camaraderie, competition, and community support. This is your chance to promote your business and advance our mission. Sponsorships are still available, featuring fantastic opportunities to showcase your brand. Every dollar raised delivers free counseling to local students and affordable counseling sessions to the rest of the community.
Act fast to secure your spot or sponsorship! Contact Naomi at 816.272.0653 or naomi@peacecounseling.org today.
Join the Fun—Volunteer at Our Golf Tournament!
We need enthusiastic volunteers like you to make our upcoming golf tournament on Thursday, September 26th a success! Whether you're a golf lover or just eager to support a great cause, there's a spot for you. Don’t miss out—sign up today and be part of the excitement!
Can't volunteer on the day? You can still help by creating a raffle or silent auction basket. Every bit of support makes a difference.
Reach out to Naomi at 816.272.0653 or naomi@peacecounseling.org to get involved!
Today we kick off a new school year working with the students in Independence and Blue Springs school districts. We are excited for the opportunity to meet these students and provide guidance and support throughout this school year. Thank you to each of you for praying, giving, and volunteering to bring healing and peace to these students and each of the individuals, children, and couples we serve. Join us in saying thanks to our August partners:
Our sincere thanks to the unknown donor who blessed us with a generous gift this month. We would love the opportunity to express our gratitude, but you know who you are, and we are so thankful!
We are so grateful to Lisa McCarty for your donation this month and the introduction to the wonderful Lakewood Ladies Club! What a special group of women making a difference here in the community. So happy to know you!
Thank you to Rise Baking Company, Max Motors, Antioch Bible Baptist Church, Rick’s Auto Clinic, and Hallam Insurance & Financial Services for your 8th Annual Golf Classic sponsorship. Your generosity helps us bring hope to those who are hurting in our community.
To our new golf team registrants, Scott Adams, JE Hefner Co, Rick’s Auto Clinic, and Antioch Bible Baptist Church, we are excited to have you join us this year! Mike Horsley and Tom Reed, thank you for filling your team. We’re grateful to have you golfing with us once again. You are playing a part in providing healing for so many.
To all of our faithful monthly and recurring supporters — THANK YOU from our Peace Partnership team! – Stone AMP SEO, Jeff & Lacey Cherry, Zane & Melissa Morerod, Mark McDonald, Jondy & Heather Britton, Matt & Kristy Newton, Tarae Thibeaux, Clayton & Pam Wooldridge, Mark & Cathy McGaughey, Greg & Jennifer Spears, Roger & Jennifer Madsen, Metcalf Auto Plaza, Mike & Jan McGraw, Cory & Leslie Young, Willie & Adia Valdes, Shelly Schuman, Mike & Carol Jackson, Blue Springs Christian Church, Linda Hartman, Dave & Rosie Bourland, Clean Heart Maids, Rudy & Stacy Blahnik, Mike & Tracy Pruitt, Mike & Sandra King, Dan & Gigi Rippee, Andre & Rose Fantasma, Kevin Quinn, Genesis Counseling, Scott & Lydia Hurley, Jon & Naomi Thompson, John Otradovec, Lance & Mandi Pollard, Larry Curtis, Tamara Stroud, Rick & Kathy Daulton, Aaron Linn, Joel & Ruthie Morris, Church at Coffee Creek, John & Vicki Hefner, Jenny Glasgow, Phil & Jo Rydman, Teddy Koehler, Brandon & Vanessa Blanchard, Summit Springs Church, Jason & Val Schram, and Rick & Jan Britton.
We appreciate each and every one of you!
Want to hear more about our work in the community? Contact Naomi Thompson, our Director of Development, at: 816.272.0653 or naomi@peacecounseling.org. We want to get to know you and personally thank you for supporting our mission. To make a donation through our website, please click on the link below.
Have you or someone you know been helped by Peace Partnership or Genesis Counseling? If so, would you please consider paying it forward to help another find healing along their journey? We are asking anyone who is not currently partnering with us financially to consider donating $100/year for the next 3 years to help make a difference in someone else’s life. Collectively, we can help SO MANY PEOPLE! Please consider a gift today. Call the office for help getting your gift set up or choose a recurring donation on our website here. We are so grateful for your help changing lives!
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